I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
