i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
