when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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