do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
