shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
