The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a search helicopter?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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