I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
