i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
