Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
