yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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