maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
