I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
