So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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