If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
