It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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