I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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