just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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