Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
