so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
