I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
