I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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