I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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