I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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