you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
