And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
