FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
