She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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