I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
