Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just had sex bonerless
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
