next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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