My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
