the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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