so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
