My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
