hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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