Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
