I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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