we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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