just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
