He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
