I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
