Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
