ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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