The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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