i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
