i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
