he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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