More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
