you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
