I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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