ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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