Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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