like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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