I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
