What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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