I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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