One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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