Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
