so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
