I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
