this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
