He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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