i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
