When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
