break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
