My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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