You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
